Breaking Through To You
by foREVerAvengedSevenfold
Summary: Cocaine was Jimmy's drug. Jimmy was my drug. I always went back. But not this time. Brimmy, Avenged Sevenfold / A7X fic


**-Brimmy mentions, rated for one use of swearing and drug use.**

**-I don't own anything in this story apart from the plot, the lyrics are to Broken by Lifehouse. **

**-Please leave a review!**

_This is no kind of relationship, _

_It's all stressed, broken, bruised and walking out the door.  
We can run, we can hide, just look me in the eye, _

_And call this our goodbye..._

In the back of my head I heard the front door opening, but I didn't register what that could mean for my situation, all I could think of right then was the next hit. I had tried to give up. For Brian. I'd promised. But I couldn't, I needed the drugs too badly, they helped me let go. They were the only things that stopped the never ending ache. With shaking hands I separated another line of the white power, before inhaling another line of the drug, closing my eyes and relishing the feeling.

The slight buzz of conversation filled my ears as I inhaled another line, feeling rush start to go through my veins.

"Jimmy!" the buzz of conversation had turned into yelling, and I inwardly groaned at what was to come. I looked up at boyfriend, saw the hurt in his eyes but quickly dismissed it.

"Yes, Brian?" I asked, trying to be polite as possible, and stop my quivering body from inhaling another line of the white powder.

"Jim—"

"That's my name." I smiled, fighting back the urge to laugh hysterically.

"James!" I flinched at the sound of my birth name, knowing he must be angry if he used it. He _never_ used it. "You promised me you'd stop." he said, his voice quieter and very un-Synyster like. I looked up to meet his eyes, being smaller than him for once due to the fact I was still kneeling in front of the coffee table. His eyes were glazed with unshed tears, downcast and looking defeated.

Part of me wanted to run to him and pull him into my arms, comfort him and plead for forgiveness, tell him I'd quit, anything to take the look of defeat of his face. But the other part of me urged to lean down and snort another line of cocaine. I was tore between the two, so I settled for doing nothing, knowing that that way I couldn't be doing wrong.

"I was serious last time, Jimmy! They're ruining you! It's me or the drugs. Choose." I could see the tears in his eyes, could see the pleading look on his face. But I could see the drugs on the coffee table more. I couldn't hold myself back any longer and with shaky hands I lowered the rolled up ten dollar bill to another line and inhaled it sharply, shivering in delight at the fix. And that was all the answer he needed

"Bastard!" I faintly heard Brian yell—his voice cracking like I'd never heard before—followed by the slamming of a door. A small part of me was pleading to me to chase after him, beg him for forgiveness, and promise to go cold turkey on the drugs. But that part was quickly fading. The bigger part was telling me to separate another line and then go and raid my alcohol supply. So that's exactly what I did.

_This is my break up to you, breaking through you.  
This is me, broke in pieces, can't you see this?_

I don't know how long later it was, I easily lost count of time when I was like this. Seconds felt like hours and hours passed in seconds. All I know is I'm alone. I curled up as far into the corner of the room as I could, pressed tightly into the wall as I watched terrified at every shadow that passed the window, as every light from car headlights passed the wall parallel to the window, and jumping at every bark and howl from outside.

My hands shook violently and I clawed at my biceps, trying to get ahold, trying to stop the shaking. Somehow thinking that if the shaking stopped I would be okay—be able to think straight at least.

Brian. I need my Brian. I saw the chord for the phone not far from my feet, and pulled on it until the phone come clattering from the table to the ground, the crash cutting sharply into the silence. I slowly, with shaking fingers, dialled the guitarist's number, praying to god he would answer, then breaking into soft sobs when it clicked onto answer phone after a couple of rings.

"P-please Bri. I can't do this with-without you…I need you babe! It's s-so bad tonight...I can't do this anymore. I l-love you Syn. P-please don't leave me. Not like this! I can change, b-Bri!" I said, sobs racking my speech and tears rolling down my checks as I held the phone to my chest, rocking slightly and praying my saviour would come to me soon

****

I listened to my boyfriends voicemail with a sigh, the message being one of many I'd received in the past year from Jimmy after he'd come down from his high; terrified and alone, begging me to help him. I always went back. Cocaine was Jimmy's drug. Jimmy was my drug. I always went back. But not this time.

I had to get out of this. Maybe this would make him see how serious I was about this. Maybe one night alone would make him change. But I knew I was lying to myself. Jimmy could never change, the drugs would never stop calling to him. And I couldn't live knowing one day I could wake up and he would have taken to much, pushed it a little to far...and then he'd be gone. I couldn't live like that anymore...so this is my break up to you, trying to break through to you...


End file.
